Expectations. We all have them. Some high, some low, some baby-bear-just-right. I have them too, and honestly, today I am just flabbergasted.
Sometimes I feel like I landed in an alternate universe. How is it that I so naive about others.. and worse yet…myself?
My partners often tell me to “mitigate expectations”… essentially sell low.. provide High! That’s good customer service (rumor has it). I think of the explanation like shopping. If the shirt is $100 and I have a coupon for $59% off and free shipping, I’m super happy…but oddly enough I would not have been as happy paying $41 for the shirt. (That’s true, by the way.. I never buy without a coupon) They get more than they expected. I understand.. but i have a hard time with myself as a “product”. What’s so wrong with giving them what they expect? Are they going to be disappointed?
I called a family today and apologized. I apologized for “not meeting their expectations”. Honestly, I didn’t meet my expectations.. I should have been more clear. I got so frustrated with delay after delay after ***** **** delay that instead of communicating with the family, I tried to soothe myself and went and had some ice cream in the lobby. This is not a joke. I really did.
Today I feel failed by God, medicine and my profession; friends and family and myself.. and I fear for the damn election on top of it all. Basically, I’m bummed.
I don’t believe lowering my expectations is the solution. Do you?
So, I’ve resorted to sitting outside, with a glass of wine, being eaten alive by the Zika mosquitos, watching the fish devour each other with loud, hungry slurps and snaps. I don’t know what I expected, but the wine is good, the water has some strange soothing effect on me …. even though it sounds like a undersea war is being waged.. and it feels good to get this off my chest.
We can’t always be exactly who we want to be. Maintain the dream. Hold your expectations. Shoot for the stars …shoot for something… if all fails landing near your target ? is likely better than no target at all.
❤️
PS. I expect tomorrow to be better.
Olga Garcia
Dear Holly don’t ever sell yourself short . You’re one of the best doctors that I know and don’t be down on yourself either . Look for a job that makes you happy even if you have to move from this city. I know what you’re going through I’ve gone through it many many times. No money in the world can pay for you and saving lives , and parent sometimes don’t understand that. Ignorance place a big role and parents expectations .
Dr W. Perry
When I was a junior in medical school during internal medicine grand Rounds one of the interns was making a lot of mistakes after a night with 28 admissions where he did not see all the admissions he was supposed to and relied on the medical student do his work. In morning report the next day it was obvious that he hadn’t seen all the patients. Dr. Banks was the chief of cardiology knew would happen. He told that intern ” You know son in my career I’m going to kill a few but in your career you just going to kill a lot. ” Dr Banks was one of the smartest people I knew and at that point I realized that if Dr. Banks could make a mistake what would happen to me, a regular human being . That’s when medicine became real and I developed fear. And I’ve been afraid ever since. In medicine I have to run the highs to get through the lows.